"What makes you so special?" That question almost broke me!

You are so f*cking special! 

I recently was in a relationship with a man who asked me “what makes you so special?” … and damn that almost broke me.  I’m still recovering from trying to prove my worth to someone who should have seen it from the start ... ME!  

In that moment I was stumped … all my lack of self worth came bubbling back to the surface.  Shit I thought I had healed started rearing its ugly ass head.  I was stumped, maybe he’s right what does make me so special?  Why would I be worthy of love?  Who the hell do I think I am?  

I feel sick just thinking about this feeling I walked around with. 

I spent so much of my life people pleasing so "they" would think I’m worth it … so they would love me.  And in that moment the little girl inside of me desperately wanted to prove her worth.  I became stuck in an old cycle that I thought had ended.  Trying to prove my worth over and over again … "see I’m special, do you see it yet?"

Holy SHIT … I could scream! 

This went on for way longer than it should have.  I couldn't escape the cycle ... fear consumed me and then guilt knowing I didn't belong there with someone who never saw my worth. I thought I could love someone into loving me and themselves.  I was losing myself day by day … I became a fraction of the woman I worked so hard to become.  I realized that all this self worth I worked so hard to have was really a mask for all the pain I was hiding.  It wasn’t real self worth, it was a costume, kind of like when I used to dress up as Wonder Woman.  I never really felt like her, I played a role.  

Sometimes we play roles in our own lives to keep us safe.  I always dated men who couldn’t see me as special until it was too late and even then they didn’t really see me as special, their abandonment issues would kick in and in an effort to not be abandoned they would suddenly find me as “special.”  How did it take me this long to see this?  Actually thank God I finally did.

I took the last 8 months to sit alone with this feeling .. date myself … cry to myself … no one to wipe my tears, just me, myself and I.  I gave myself no distractions … I learned what makes me so fucking special for myself.  And then realized, damn they are missing out on some real shit here.  

This was a core wound I didn’t even fully know I had … it went so deep that I buried it until I couldn’t. I’m not mad that he didn’t  see me as special because he was just a mirror for what I was feeling deep down.  For what I needed to heal so I could break the cycle, open my eyes and let the next person show me who they are without holding onto their potential … just SHOW ME! 

So many of us women struggle with this same cycle … people pleasing to be loved, not knowing what makes us so special because we are too busy trying to prove it, and settling for peanuts because maybe one day they’ll love us right.  F*CK THAT … LET IT GO! 

YOU ARE WORTHY OF THE LOVE YOU SO WILLINGLY GIVE.  

YOU ARE WORTHY OF PATIENCE, LOYALTY, CONSISTENCY, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,  GROWTH,  SUPPORT,  PHYSICAL TOUCH,  EMOTIONAL MATURITY,  A PARTNER WHO IS ACTUALLY A PARTNER IN LIFE, YOUR BEST FRIEND, TEAM MATE AND A LOVER WHO WANTS TO LOVE ALL UP ON YOU AND CHOOSE YOU! 

Settling is no longer an option and neither is proving your worth … people pleasing is beautiful but to the right people and for the right reasons.  

Cheers to the rest of 2025 because baby you are f*cking SPECIAL!