Let's hope these wings work!
Long time no speak … where the hell do we begin? I have been putting this off over and over again but here we finally are!
Its been a long 2 plus years since I have posted a blog and let me tell you I have gone through it. All the things have resurfaced … old stories, fear, self abandonment, imposter syndrome, all the goodies … but I am so ahead of the game this time around because I know what they all look like and my tool box is stocked.
We have so much to talk about!
This is the beginning of a new chapter for me, one I always had the intention of creating but like so many of us I got lost along the way. When I first opened Ignite, the intent was to always let it be the house that Girl on Fire built. At the end of the day, if it wasn’t for this blog and the journey here then Ignite would never exist. But, as soon as we opened and all the personal hurdles I went through put Girl on Fire on a simmer, figuratively and literally.
But, today is the day we become one … SHE’S BACKKKKKK! :)
Guys, I would be lying if I said its been easy, its been freakin hard like it has for so many of us. I just recently expanded the studio to a larger location and the fear I felt while making that decision had me physically and emotionally sick. I knew deep down I was ready for more, I knew deep down we were ready for more, but I felt so alone in this new chapter of my life. I felt so afraid. I felt so like ... “Who the hell do you think you are?’ ... “Calm down and know your place woman”.
I had weeks where my anxiety was so bad that eating made me sick … I was shaking to speak … and focusing on one single thing was impossible … my nerves were at all time high. I was living on Medicine Ball teas from Starbucks and carbs. My fairies, you remember them right? They were riding the wave with me silently nudging me along the way. I couldn’t even get into auto pilot as I normally do and then deal with it after. It’s like the universe knew that the only way I could do any of this was if I faced the fear first … in the past I would make the leap impulsively and then deal with the fear on the landing. You see this time around there is no landing, I needed to use my wings to soar.
This was the very first time in my life that I was going to jump without a safety net, no one to come catch me and no parachute to help me land … I needed to use the wings I have fought so hard to find. You know everything with me is like a bird so why stop now?!
Have you ever been there???
At the point of getting yourself UN-STUCK?
It doesn’t just happen once in your life. It happens from time to time and the more frequently we do it the easier it becomes. As human being we often tend to fear change or growth because with that comes leaving our safety net, even if the safety net is in actuality toxic for us. What feels safe doesn’t mean it actually is, it just means its what we know.
That feeling of being in cement boots, the feeling of seeing so much more ahead for you but that fear of the unknown holding you back.
What will it look like once I am there?
Am I actually worthy of all that and more?
If I have actual success who will I lose along the way?
Ahh thats a big one for me personally. When we step into our power and shine our inner light we learn that some people can’t handle the brightness. And as human beings, especially as an empathic human being, we don’t want to hurt their eyes because then they can’t shine their light. It’s always easier to stay dim because then we don’t have to own our own light and then can just shine theirs. But, its all a cop out. We are just absolving ourselves of the responsibility of harnessing what lies inside of us. Deep down we all crave that light because when we hold it in you can feel it way down in your soul, like a gnawing burn churning inside of us.
I am still learning here that this part of the journey really hurts … people not being able stand by your side when your light in shining. But, I have also learned that its not about me and I was just owning that story because it felt safe to stay small. It’s really about their journey and their inner work. My story has always been “stay small because you don’t want to hurt anyone”. But, what I was always afraid of was actual success and what that would look like. So I kept the people who couldn’t handle me around me, then I would never feel “ok” enough to allow myself to be un-stuck, no matter how badly I desired it.
Ahh DESIRE thats a whole other conversation we will get to next soon.
Every single day my feet move a little bit more, my wings flap a little bit faster and my light shines a little bit brighter … Every day with a shit ton of work, and I know its exhausting, I get a little more UN-STUCK and so will you .. keep going, keep pushing and let your fire burn as bright as all the stars in the sky.!
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